Authenticity and Love

Q: I’m no longer able to be inauthentic with my boss to try to get his approval, but I’m also concerned about losing my job.

A: In place of acting inauthentically to get approval from your boss and others, try experimenting with simply giving acceptance and attention to your boss and others. When we give love or approval to others, we are filled with a sense of loving Presence, not when we get love or approval from others.

By being very present and giving attention to everything in your experience, including your boss, it’s more likely that you’ll respond appropriately and with integrity to whatever is happening. Doing this may not guarantee that you keep your job (nothing can), but it will mean you have more integrity, wisdom, strength, acceptance, and compassion available to meet whatever does happen. Whether you stay in this job or end up looking for another, being very present and accepting will make the experience easier and more joyful for you. It will also allow you to be more effective in dealing with people, which can only help either in this job or in finding another.

Giving love can transform all of your experiences, not just your relationships at work. Love is essentially just space (acceptance) and attention (noticing). You don’t even have to like whatever you are giving this loving attention to. Just let it be the way it is, as you notice everything about it. It’s easiest to try this out with neutral or pleasant objects first. Then when you have the hang of it, try giving space and attention to things and eventually people that are annoying or difficult to be with. In addition, give loving acceptance and attention to yourself and your own reactions to others. You do not need to leave yourself out of the loving awareness, and there may even be important information about the situation that is found in your responses to others.

While it may seem paradoxical, it is in giving love that we are filled with love. When love is flowing from within you, it won’t matter as much to you how other people act or react. It’s incredibly freeing to discover that you can go ahead and give acceptance and attention to everything you encounter and that will fill you with an authentic sense of loving acceptance. (You can read more about giving love to everyone and everything in “Love Is for Giving,” which is included in this book as Appendix 2.)

Love is at the heart and core of our true nature. All the fundamental qualities of our true nature come together as love. Love is the force that connects us and fuels our desire to create, understand, experience, and ultimately merge with everything we experience. Every movement of life is the movement of love. Love is your true nature. Love is what you are.